Hibernate

2 short poems + an update

Hibernate

There are days I wish 
to be like the cicada, burrowed 
deep into the wet earth for 
seventeen years before again 
emerging into the world. 
It must be nice, to hide 
for so long, to be quiet for 
so long, to have no made 
plans, to intimately be with 
this ancient breathing pulse,
to settle sweetly into the
night, hugged by 
the ground.

- Moudi Sbeity

---

I Could Leave Happy

Believe when I say 
I have lived enough, I have 
nothing more of importance 
to talk about. Most days, 
I wish to vanish with the flair 
of light drunk mist. Most days 
I catch myself waiting for a 
sung terror to strike the 
remaining chord of my heart— 
and then, the majesty, 
as some have said. And then 
the great surge of love, 
the drop disappearing into 
the ocean. 

- Moudi Sbeity

Photo by National Gallery of Art on Unsplash

A moment of honesty. Not that I haven’t been open and vulnerable, but there are things, even if apparent, I keep closer to my heart.

I struggle with this general business of being human. The press of ambition and the overall social and cultural norm of continuous engagement and doing quickly depletes me to a point of burnout. My capacity for empathy, while vigorous and present and real, needs much time in solitude and disengagement. These past three years in a graduate program with high demands of being sociable have exhausted any remaining pretense. Though this feeling is older than completing a master’s program. I dream often of the other world. John O’Donohue writes in Anam Cara, “It’s strange to be here. The mystery never leaves you alone.”

And Mary Oliver, in A Poetry Handbook (p.120), with searing clarity:
“This I have always known— that if I did not live my life immersed in the one activity which suits me, and which also, to tell the truth, keeps me utterly happy and intrigued, I would come someday to bitter and mortal regret.”

With the guidance of my therapist, I’ve decided on an at-home sabbatical. Not quite a full retreat from the world, just a month break from most social and online engagements, save for a few necessary things. (Note: for the folks I work with one-on-one, not to worry, I still plan on our work together 🙏).

With that said, I do love writing and sharing poems. It brings me much delight and purpose, happiness and intrigue as Mary says. So I have scheduled posts to go out, though I won’t be monitoring my email, comments, etc. as often. Please know that I appreciate in reading your reflections, and know that I am not ignoring you. I still plan on two events coming up: a Pride reading with ONE ART this Sunday, and a writing workshop with ZenJen Brown on June 25.

On the other side of this will be hopeful news of the cover and pre-order for my debut poetry collection Alhamdulillah Anyway (expected by Sept 2026), with plans for an East Coast tour in November for my two books. This time is necessary to replenish my commitment to this path and this world. I hope to still find you here, and to count on your support as I bring these books into the world.

Lastly, I’ve gone back and forth on whether to share the sentiments here as to not make a big deal, rather than just “disappearing” for a short while - an Irish goodbye as some call it. I figured openly expressing this may serve another. Perhaps these words settle next to you as any old friend. Perhaps this stokes your own contemplation on the need for rest and boundary-healthy relationships. In a world as busy and loud as ours, such self-care is an act of loving perseverance. It is also a way to commune with God. As an Islamic hadith says, “To know God intimately / intimately know yourself. / ‘He who knows his own soul / knows his Lord.’” (Translated by Omid Safi, from his book Radical Love).

Here are two poems that speak to the heart of this emotional and spiritual state:
Beyond Burnout by my dear friend James Crews.
The Old Poets of China by someone I feel is a dear friend, Mary Oliver.
(She has visited me in my dreams. I keep her picture above my desk, next to the Dalai Lama and few other important figures and guides).