My Country Is This Page
When they bury me, when they speak of
my nationality, tell them they are mistaken.
I was neither American nor Lebanese.
Neither Arab nor Muslim. Not queer, not
narrow. I did not belong to an army, nor
to a divided song. I belonged, instead, to
the quiet hum of a determined hand edging
across a blank paper, to erased borders, to
ink drying. Tell them I belonged to a lineage
of mystics bereft of God's absence. Tell them
I belonged to streaming poems, to the glory
of a rivered soul marching to the anthem of
whatever joy or sorrow spilled daily, to the
one babbling narrative. Tell them I laid
down my gun, my sword, picked up a pen,
irrigated sentences. Tell them my country
was wet with truth. Say there is only this
morning and its page. Only the way our
tongues dip, again and again, into written
witness. Only the testimony of what it
means to be alive, of how it was to be
here and human.
- Moudi Sbeity
This poem is a distillation from a narrative piece in my forthcoming memoir Habibi Means Beloved. The piece explores the meaning of belonging while leaving Lebanon during a time of war and integrating into American society.
Daily writing, coupled with mindfulness practice and contemplative poetry, has been the crucible that shaped me. It is my spiritual ground, and so the ground of my belonging. I just don’t know what I would do without my journal. I don’t know who I would be if I couldn’t write. The page has taught me about myself, has introduced me to the inner wisdom buried beneath accumulated experience, has forged me into something tender. So yes, the page is my real country, and the daily return to meet what is true and alive in the heart.
Upcoming Events
✍️ A handful of spots are still open for the 8-Week River Writing series beginning on Tuesday, May 26, 4 - 6pm MDT. This is one of my most cherished practices with an intimate cohort of people that meet weekly to write and share in response to poems around a circle of agreements. While not technically therapy, I find it to be highly therapeutic. If you are in need of consistent and heart-centered community, then please consider signing up. I would love to write with you 🙏 Scholarships available. Register here
🏳️🌈 Pride Month Reading with ONE ART - Sunday, June 7, 2:00pm ET. Register here for free. Read more about all the featured poets here.
🌱 Free writing workshop hosted by ZenJen Brown - Thursday, June 25, 4:00pm ET. Register here for free.
This is one of my very favorites....you and the Beloved waking up to yourselves and each other on paper...
Ah, Moudi....This poem and its brief but connected narrative form such a window opening into the vast expanse of your continuously awakening soul. This is quite a gift you lay before us, given to us, and even more so, to yourself. Thank you, thank you, thank you.